


Ghosts in Berlin

by goldenicarus



Category: X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men: Apocalypse
Genre: Father-Son Relationship, I need more Kurt|Raven fics, Mother-Son Relationship, Raven was a horrible mother but she still cares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2016-06-15
Packaged: 2018-07-15 06:35:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7211867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldenicarus/pseuds/goldenicarus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Raven wants to leave her past behind. But it always catches up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ghosts in Berlin

The Munich Circus is well known for their performers - their Fortune Teller, men who breathe fire, acrobats who could bend their bodies in unnatural forms. Raven didn’t need to attend a show to know that most, if not all, of the performers were mutants; her people were being put on display for _entertainment_. But it wasn’t her place to attempt to offer any of them freedom. Many would turn the offer down, anyways.

She didn’t consider herself a missionary. She may care less about the circus and it’s performers if not for a specific act: The Blue Devil of the Munich Circus.

She listens to townsfolk with the circus comes through, learns about this mutant through the word of mouth. He’s just a kid, from what she hears. An acrobat with an unusual appearance - _it’s a costume_ , some claim.

And when she learns of new management selling their popular attraction, she tracks the boy down. She tells herself that her interest in this mutant derives only due to his age, that she may have the chance to save someone from a life of fear. Not because she hears about the color of his skin, or the pointed tail many say he possesses. Not because he may be a ghost from a past she wants to forget.

* * *

Her shade of blue. His father’s tail and ability. A perfect mixture of the two of them. Yes, that’s what he is: perfect.

Perfect, and scared; stuck in a cage with a killer.

Nightcrawler - _that’s the name the circus gave him_ \- doesn’t want to fight. Raven watches him teleport from one end of the cage to the other, desperation in his erratic movements; he wants nothing more than to get out. And it’s breaking Raven’s heart. This isn’t how she wanted to meet him. No one should be forced to fight. When he goes tumbling to the ground, electrocution leaving him incapacitated for a passing moment, she makes her move.

She hears the threat of guns, and feels no regret when she knocks one of the security to the ground. She should’ve killed him. She wants to kill them all.

The power’s cut, guns are fired, people scream. But her focus is only on the shaking, lost boy ahead of her.

“Follow me.” She’s surprised he listens to her so willingly. He doesn’t struggle against her hold, doesn’t show hesitance in following her command. Like he’d been trained to follow orders. What kind of person had her son grown to be.

* * *

They’re safe. Outside of the building. Away from danger, with a man who could’ve harmed them now at their feet. And in the dim lights, she can finally look at her child.

His eyes are like her own, a beautiful golden with red. His hair is as dark as Azazel’s had been, except for the blue streaks that decorate his bangs. _Part of the circus look,_  she briefly wonders. She had never been to the Munich Circus, though she had plenty of chances to. She didn’t want to see the acts her people had to put on for the men and women who would discriminate them in any other situation. Now, she regretted never going. Never checking on the boy the circus once bragged about.

When she takes in the scars that cover his face, her chest tightens. _Did they do this to him_...

When shouts erupt from the fight club’s establishment, she hides him and uses her ability to draw attention to herself; she protects him like a mother should. It’s a mistake.

Nightcrawler sees her power in use, and his words are breathless when she hears his voice for the first time: “You’re her.” Raven’s heart drops to her stomach. “The hero.” She lets out a heavy breath. He doesn’t know. He never has to know.

“I’m nobody.” She shouldn’t mean anything to him. He’s too kind for her. “Get us out of here.”

He takes her hand and she fights back the burning in her eyes. The last time she held his hands were when his small fingers had wrapped tightly around her own, just moments before they were separated for nineteen years.

* * *

“Why can’t I come with you?”

It’s dangerous. _She’s_ dangerous. He hadn’t been safe with her before, and he isn’t now.

“I work alone.” Is her excuse.

Caliban can help them. He can help get this by out of the country, hidden from the public, protected.

“Where’s the young man going?”

“Don’t know. Don’t care.” She lies. She wants to be there. She wants to stay this time, wants to make sure he stays safe. But she can’t. Until Caliban gives her a reason to stay with him:

Erik.

She’s turning on her heel, her hand moving to reach towards her son as they heads back towards the door. She drops it immediately. Travelling with his ability is safer, she supposes. And faster. She hoped he’d find his way to Charles once he was in America - just not with her by his side.

 _You aren’t going for him_ , She tells herself. _You’re going for Erik_.

“Come on, crawler.” She tells him, her tone harsher than it should be with a mother and son.

“Actually,” he starts, his accent thick and foreign, “it’s _Night_ crawler. But my real name is-”

He pauses when the door’s buzzing interrupts, and Raven tries not to show interest when she hears her child’s name for the first time: “Kurt Wagner.”

She distantly thinks Kurt Darkhölme sounds better.

* * *

Seeing Hank is like seeing a ghost. It’d been ten years, yet he hadn’t aged a day. Like a picture.

“Raven!” He sounds so surprised. “You’re-”

“Not blue? Looks like we have that in common.”

They can still act like friends. That’s good to know.

“I never thought I’d see you here, again.”

“Yeah, me neither.”

But she’s not here for Hank. Or Charles. She’s here for different ghosts; one in Poland, and the one behind her.

Kurt interrupts their reunion, but Hank greets the boy with a smile and warm welcome. He makes no comment on the boy’s skin or scars. Raven figures living in a building full of mutants is the reason Hank is so kind. But she can’t help thinking that he would’ve made a fantastic godfather.

* * *

She’s hesitant to let Kurt leave her sight. She lost him once before, and she’s grown more attached than she should. She blames her maternal instinct.

Kurt appears worried to leave her too, his eyes wide and body stiff when a student - Jubilation Lee, she had introduced herself - takes his hand and begins his tour of the school. Kurt keeps looking over his shoulder at Raven until he’s turned down a hall.

Hank doesn’t offer to show Raven to Charles’ office until Kurt’s gone. When she faces him, his expression is soft. She worries for a moment that he’ll pry, or that he’s already putting everything together. However, he only gestures to the steps and asks how she’s been.

She’s glad.

* * *

She shouldn’t be surprised that Charles has changed after ten long years. He’s so much more open to ideas and possibilities, speaks about _people_ as if they aren’t - in some form - their enemies.

“I’m hoping to make this place a real campus. And not just for mutants. For humans, too. Living and working...growing, together.”

Charles is an idealist. Raven was too, once. But she knows how the world will treat her people. And she cannot imagine the world Charles hopes for; cannot see people treating her equally. Cannot see Charles and Hank and Erik being met with no bias. Cannot see the public treating her child like a human rather than something to be thrown into a cage.

“They still hate and fear us. It’s just harder to see because they’re more polite about it.”

She’s right. And she knows Charles hates the reality of their situation. The public won’t speak their prejudice aloud, but in the quiet safety of their homes they will laugh at her people. Will laugh over Hank’s fur, her scales, Kurt’s...everything. Some may not even be as kind as to keep their hatred to themselves.

“Just because there’s no war doesn’t mean there’s peace. You want to teach your kids something, teach them that! Teach them to fight!” _Teach my child to protect himself. He’s young. He doesn’t know the hatred this world has against him._  “Otherwise, they may as well live in this house their whole lives!”

“You still sound like him.” Charles’ voice is shaking. “You still sound just like Erik.”

Hearing her former friend’s name brings her back to why she’s come back in the first place. “That’s why I’m here.”

It’s not the full truth. But it’s what she can work with.

“He’s resurfaced.”

“The whole world will be looking for him.”

“You can help me find him before they do.”

It’s not an excuse to stay. But it feels like one.

* * *

Charles is gone. The school is gone. It wasn’t her home, but she still had memories there. Ones that didn’t keep her up at night. Ones of her friends. Her ghosts. She’s lost all of those in the explosion.

Her mind is wandering, too many emotions flowing through her head, her concentration on too many ideas at once. She doesn’t take notice of her form until there’s a chorus of whispered, _“It’s her,” “She does exist,” “She’s here.”_

Her heartbeat spikes. Students, all of Charles’ kids, have their eyes on her instead of the wreckage that was once their home. She turns, looking for familiar yellow eyes. The relief that floods over her when she doesn’t see the blue mutant is muffled with new panic: _where is he_?

Hank is speaking to her now. It takes her more than a few moments to let his words sink in, however. “They look up to you.” _They shouldn’t._  “They need you.” _No_. These kids don’t need her. She’s not a hero. She’s not a role model. She’s not a mother.

She hides her form again, hides behind a face that is not her own yet still _hers_. She’s thankful for the distraction of a car to take attention off of her. And she doesn’t hide her solace when she sees Kurt, surrounded by students - friends? - as they return to the remains of the estate. Kurt sees her immediately and she thanks any God above that she had gotten rid of her form before he arrived. He never has to see her.

The other boy is jumping out from the driver’s seat of the car, asking for Alex in a panic. “Where’s my brother!”

Raven’s breath catches. Alex had never mentioned a brother. This kid doesn’t look much younger than Kurt, perhaps they’re the same age. Alex must had become a brother when she became a mother. Briefly, the thought of her boy and Alex’s growing up together crosses her mind. It’s pushed away when the Summers sibling is running for the crumbled building. It’s distant when he falls to his knees and she realizes he’s alone, now. It’s gone from her head when a helicopter lands. And Stryker steps onto the grass.

* * *

“Did you know him? Magneto?”

“I use to. Not so sure anymore.”

“Was he like they say he is? Was he a bad guy?”

“No.” She pauses. “Well I mean, yeah.” Another pause. “Why do you care so much? You see a speech on TV or something?”

“Yeah, but. He’s kinda my father.”

It’s good to know she’s a better parent than Erik. At least Kurt isn’t trapped in this room.

* * *

Why is Kurt on the other side of the glass.

Kurt should be far, far away from this facility. Away from this death. Away from Stryker.

His friends get them out and lead them to their escape. And when Scott finds armored flight suits, she has half the mind to tell Kurt to take his rag-tag team back to what’s left of the school. But, at least he’s with her. Maybe at this point in time there’s no safer place.

“Let’s go to war.”

She’s dangerous. She’s deadly. And she will be when protecting him.

* * *

“Seeing you on TV that day changed my life.” Jean reminds her too much of Charles - so bright and   open, yet afraid. Afraid of the world. Afraid of herself.

“Mine too.” Kurt’s words hit her the most; she hadn’t been there for him, growing up. Yet she still made an impact on his life.

“And mine. I mean, I still live in my mom’s basement, but. Everything else is...well, it’s the same. I’m a total loser.” Peter’s humor is his defense. He’s terrified. They all are. But they laugh with him regardless. Raven fakes hers, but some joy rises in her chest when Kurt grins, wide and genuine. He can still smile when facing the end of the world.

He’s nothing like her.

* * *

A good mother would keep her son safe from war, not send him into the heart of it. But Kurt is willing; he has the chance to help, and he refuses to let them down.

“Not all of us know how to control our powers.” The Summers siblings are very different from each other. Where Alex would be excited to fight and show off, Scott is cautious of his power.

“Then don’t.” The last thing they need in a war against a God is to be careful. “You need to embrace them.” They’ll need Scott’s raw power. They’ll need Jean’s leadership. And Kurt...Kurt deserves to know. “We all do.”

She sees the realization in his face when she transforms - sees him take in her skin. She doubts that any television, the circus allowed performers to watch was in color. Kurt may have only seen her appearance; and at the age he must have been, she doesn’t think he would have made the connection between them. Now he’s older. Smarter. Able to understand.

But then Peter’s holding onto her. And now she’s looking up at Erik. She doesn’t have to chance to confirm to him: _Yes, you’re mine._

* * *

Erik is far different than Charles. Two sides of the same coin. He’s harder to bring to reason.

“You have me. You have Charles. You have more family than you know.” _We both do._ “That’s what I’ve come to tell you.”

Her words may have no impact on him. She likes to think that he still trusts her enough to consider them.

“And you?” Erik tries to hide it, he really does. She can see how he tries to ignore his recognition when he speaks to Peter; they’ve met before, Raven knows. And after ten years, Peter’s figured it out. Erik has probably wondered about it, about their relation. He’s curious if it was possible. She understands. She went through all of this in Berlin.

“I’m your-” Peter wants to tell him. Raven acknowledges why he can’t. She was in his position less than an hour ago. “I’m here for my family, too.”

It seems they all are.

* * *

The plane crashed.

It was loud, unmistakable - the sound of metal hitting the sand. The explosion is what made Raven’s heart jump. A crash, maybe the team could survive. But not an explosion.

Hank. Moira. Scott. Jean. _Kurt_. “Charles.”

Peter’s already stepping forward, ready to lead them to the crash. _They’re not dead,_ she tells herself. Kurt can teleport; maybe he got them all off. She wants to believe that. She just got him back, he can’t be gone so soon.

“I’m going to go fight for what I have left.” She’ll fight for Charles. For Alex, for his brother. For Kurt. And she will fight for Peter too, if Erik will not.

Only one may be her child, but they are all her family. “Are you?”

* * *

She never thought she’d face her demise like this. She’s never had death’s fingers around her throat. Never felt the kind of fear blooming in her chest as her breathing becomes more shallow against her will. But she’s glad.

She’s glad she never told Kurt. It will be easier for him to grieve over a hero instead of a mother.

* * *

It feels bizarre, being out in the open. With her own face.

It feels wrong to be in this school, standing before these kids who fought besides her almost two months ago.

She doesn’t think they need her help; they can handle themselves. They proved that in Egypt. But she understands. These kids will never see her as anyone other than a role model, will never _not_ look up to her. She cannot change that. Maybe she shouldn’t.

“You’re not students, anymore.” _You never can be. You can never be taught what other kids your age are learning. You need to know how to fight_. “You’re X-Men.”

She should be focusing on all these kids as they train. But her eyes stay on one specific boy, who has the powers of his father, the appearance of his mother, and a pure heart neither had.

She still feels some guilt for not being there. For not being able to see him grow. But she’s pleased she didn’t raise him; he would’ve never been this brave and selfless under her guidance.

She thinks he’s put the pieces together, connected the dots as Peter had with his own family. But for the moment, Kurt doesn’t know for sure. And he doesn’t need to.

She just hopes he understands that she’s proud. He turned out perfect without her.


End file.
